"Yahweh, set a guard at my mouth,
a watcher at the gate of my lips.
Let me feel no impulse to do wrong,
to share the godlessness of evil-doers."
Psalm 141 NJB
Which side do you take when you sin? What argument do you use to justify your actions?
Though we may have a clear and present mind not to sin, it inevitably happens. Always the attacks, always the subtle and blatant reminders that we are so far from God's will when we try to accomplish our will. Our selfishness is the first battle that must be waged. The front line combats laziness, relativity and poor formation. These can be defeated, but it is a long drawn out battle of wills and underground treachery.
I am often reminded of Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcutta and the way in which she told her sisters that more time in prayer is the way of finding more time in service to others. The concrete act of prayer fights fatigue and dissatisfaction with life. There is more meaning in the forgiveness of sin when you truly seek to know Jesus. There is more opportunity to love and obtain grace when you strive for sincerity in supplication.
Christ is always, with total devotion to our souls, compelling us with his divine love to practice more devotion to God the Father. It is in the times of recognizing sin, that we may realize the time we have not spent with Christ in order to know the Father. It is hard to find extra moments when you can seem so busy, and then spend 'catch-up' time in order to beg Him for something. He does not wait for us though, because He is a constant presence in the heart that seeks Him.
The next time you cry out for forgiveness, beg for the grace of a convicted heart that will long for Christ. The prayer is the easy part, it's the practice that takes time and effort. Anything worth the effort is worth the wait. How much better is it to hope in the fruits of heaven?