A Sense of Failure

The times that I experience or think about my failures are always preempted by a lack of prayer. I am the first to admit this because thankfully through prayer it has been revealed to me.  But I am human, therefore the wages of sin rear their ugly heads in the form of doubt, fear and sadness.

Some of my failures are very real, but maybe not as mountainous as they seem. Most times a fear of an assumed failure is only a subversion from God's divine plan. I was trying to describe the building up of prayer in one of my earlier posts, but I don't think I was able to express it.

Here is another go...When the fear or doubt weighs upon your mind and soul and sometimes the body as well, a buildup and continuous dose of prayer is the preparation and the remedy. Think on the way the human cell thrives. In a healthy body the cell will be able to combat and consume unhealthy cells.  This regeneration comes from the wellness of the original cell.  The same cell that has benefitted from the carrots and proteins and free radical consuming goodies you have eaten.

Think on prayer in the same way. It cannot be denied that memorized prayer, meditative prayer or a random discussion with God in all its forms, is a benefit to the body, mind , and soul.  Much less a greater love engendered by such a consideration of one who loves.

When the steady sense of failure or the actual failure occurs, there are two options. One is to dwell in fear and struggle to move forward.  The second is to bound with leaps as in a race from a leopard toward prayer.  The stores of prayer can then rush from the sylo as grains collected together to overcome all doubt and fear.  Imagine all of your small prayers as grains of rice or seed. So small, yet so powerful all together.  Imagine then, that in that moment of realization, you pour more rice upon what has already been stored to overtake completely the doubt.

Prayer does change you. Because your interactions with what and who are around you start to be centered on the good of God's plan. These days there are still times, almost daily, when I feel unwanted, not smart enough, not friendly enough or whatever.  I just go to prayer.  These ill thoughts are sometimes because I haven't considered God's love yet today because of tiredness or forgetfulness.  But my stores of grace lead me to pray and hope past the failures both big and small.