Monday, November 13, 2017

The Great Implosion of a Dream

    This summer my dream of becoming a chemical engineer died.  My dream of becoming any kind of engineer died.  Though I prayed for supernatural understanding, which I believed I received, I still couldn't think quick enough to pass the 50 minute tests that were given. 

    It seemed like a real crap shoot and honestly I'm still upset about it.  It's something I really cared about but it wasn't meant to be.  I gained math and chemistry credits which I am pleased with, but I wish I could have gone farther.  Most of the kids in college either do exceptional or take classes over and over.  I didn't think that was a wise thing to do at my age and with my temperament.

     I happened upon a fantastic job opportunity teaching math to elementary students.  I loved teaching math to 5th and 6th grade before.  Even though I did not intend to go back into teaching, the school is a diamond in the rough.  My greatest worry is that the children won't like me.  I had been teaching the rough sort of students for a long while.  I don't think people like me generally because they like to tell me often what I do wrong.  Even though I know I talk too much, or am overly friendly, at least I love people.

   So I had been feeling like an idiot for a long, long time because I couldn't seem to be successful even when I quit my job and spent all night studying.  Now I get to feel like an idiot and a failure for not being fast thinking enough to pass technical classes.  It's okay I guess.  I am hoping I am able to teach the children the critical thinking skills they need to be whatever they want when they grow up, whether they like me or not.